How to Receive Compliments and Correction

People tend to have a hard time receiving compliments and correction. When complimenting someone it’s not uncommon for them to deny the compliment, saying something like “No, no, I’m really not X.” The form this takes among pious Christians cautious to avoid the appearance of enjoying the compliment is, “It’s not me. It’s God.” There is some merit to this response, but often it is little more than a false humility we are putting forth. Why can’t we acknowledge our part, and thank the person for their compliment, all the while giving the glory to God? Other people receive compliments so well that they go to their head. Why do we have such a hard time receiving compliments in a balanced and godly manner?

For most people correction is much more difficult to receive than a compliment. Why? Because no one likes to be wrong, yet alone be told they are wrong. While part of our response to correction may depend on how the correction was delivered, the other part is dependent on our personality and human nature. How do we hear and receive correction with a Christ-like attitude? How can we overcome our natural tendency to become defensive and/or angry with those who correct us?

What I want you to chime in on, then, is the following questions: What advice do you have on how to receive a compliment, and how to receive correction? What are some basic principles we might follow? What are some basic “responses” that will allow us to comfortably receive compliments and correction without being vain or contentious? Any thoughts?

Amy Taylor Says:

March 29, 2006 at 5:04 am

I feel that it can be hard to receive compliments because we see ourselves as not deserving.. and we really aren’t but when someone compliments me I try to see it as God shining through me.. so I can receive it knowing that I have let God shine through.. it isn’t my goodness they see or feel but I can let them feel God’s goodness through me. We can recieve the compliment knowing that we have used the gifts God gave us. On correction… well, I feel that most people that do the correcting are doing it to be right and not out of brotherly love so there is the first problem… second is timing.. you need accurate words and timing. When you are on the other end, you should recieve it, go home and pray about it and ask God to show you if the correction is true.. maybe it wasn’t put to you in the right words or even with the right spirit but there might be some truth in it and if someone else has perceived that you needed to hear it, then even if the facts don’t support their perception it is still their perception and you should look at what you are doing to give them that perception and take what you can from it..

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jaoki Says:

March 29, 2006 at 11:51 am

My response to a compliment usually depends on what type of compliment is given. If a person compliments me on my secular job function at work, I usually respond with a simple “Thank you” and maybe some elaboration on the process or outcome.

But if I receive a compliment regarding a job I performed at the church that has “spiritual” implications, then it gets a little more uncomfortable for me… I admit I have a “pat” answer, “Thank you. God is good.” In some ways I am receiving the compliment with the “thank you”, but I am also directing the compliment to God with the “God is good”, as if I were saying “God is the one who deserves credit.” It is a little ambiguous I admit.

I fully believe that God grants us the talents and abilities to do what we do, but it is up to us to use them. I also believe that anointing comes along as “God’s assistance” to connect the receiver of the talent/ability with God’s presence. I’m not sure where I got that from, but it makes sense to me.

Jason Dulle Says:

March 30, 2006 at 1:33 pm

Amy and John,

I agree with what both of you said.

We have to distinguish between the source of our goodness, and the goodness itself. We all recognize that human beings can do things that are good, and that it was the PERSON who chose to do it. They exhibited the goodness, not God. When someone compliments us on this goodness we can accept the compliment as deserving (in the sense that good acts deserve to be recognized as good). And yet we recognize that the enabling source of our choice to do good acts comes from God. We would not have the ability to be and do good without His enabling grace. He makes us what we are.

Paul seems to have understood this when he wrote: “But by the grace of God I am what I am: And His grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.” (I Cor 15:10) Paul did not deny that he did many good things. In fact, he acknowledged that he did more than anyone else. He was not afraid to acknowledge what he excelled in, but he did not take the credit for it. He understood the source of His deeds was the grace of God.

On correction, how is it that you respond to correction, both when it is given at the right time and when it is given at the wrong time, with the right spirit and the wrong spirit? When you do not agree with the correction, how do you respond without being and appearing contentious or unteachable?

I am particularly thinking of our interaction with authority. If a minister or pastor confronts you about something you did because he thinks you were wrong in doing it, but you think he is wrong about you being wrong, how do you deal with it? What do you say? What if it is a dispute over doctrinal issues? I’m just throwing out some different scenarios here.

Jason

April 13, 2006 at 12:02 pm

Having about 14 years of ministerial experience, one thing that leaders worry about is people influencing people in the wrong direction. I personally put up with a lot of “stupidity” in the youth group. But when it started influencing others to do things “against” what we were trying to accomplish, then it made me have to “deal” with it more than I would have “liked”. I think if a person has views or personal issues – I can deal with it or even allow people to deal with it on their own. But if there is a “disunity” factor or a “influence” factor, then I would have to go into “correct” mode.

It could be that if a person has a divergent view for “good” and “sincere” reasons, I could totally live with it as long as I was “secure” in the fact that it would not affect the “church” negatively.

For that, I would have to “know” the person and have a “good working” relationship with that person. Otherwise, they could be viewed as a “threat” or “seed of discord or “confusion”. It would have to go back to the “attitude” / “humility” / “meekness” thing – if that person personified those things, I wouldn’t personally have a problem with them.

If I were the person with the divergent view, and was “corrected”. I would do my best to let my “leader” know:

1) that I am a “team player”;

2) I hold my views for very good biblically sound reasons;

3) I am fully supportive of the church and ministry 100% as long as it doesn’t go against my God given convictions & undestanding of the Word of God;

4) Even if I am asked my view on the “controverial” subject – I will defer to the “Leader” (I will make sure my leader knows this tact of mine).

5) I will follow the “leader’s” guidelines as long as following them is not a sin. i.e. Even if I don’t feel something is necessary, I will do it for “unity’s” sake. But I will not lie and say I agree with it.

I think any “leader” worth their salt would totally accept and even “love” a person of this caliber.

Knowing both sides of the fence – this is what I would do.

Thinking to Believe