Thinking to Believe

April 6, 2006

6 Responses to “Quote of the Day: Spiritual Abuse”

1. Linda Says:

   
   April 7, 2006 at 2:19 pm

   good comment! I just recently came out from under a spiritually abusive pastor. It was horrible, but I thank God for the experience! Without trials, where would we be?

   God Bless you Brother!

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2. jaoki Says:

   
   April 13, 2006 at 11:15 am

   Yes, I agree 100% with this “Spiritual Abuse” quote. I’m afraid it is probably more common than not.

   On the other hand, we’ve got to have balance. Just because we have every right to point out every problem we see, doesn’t mean we should. There’s are things called, “wisdom” and “propriety” and “patience” and “longsuffering” and “prayer”. Of course it is a case-by-case basis thing – depending on the severity of the problem – what your role in the problem is… etc. etc. etc.

   Being a leader, you tend to see personality types. Some people tend to be “negative” in their response to everything – in other words “EVERYTHING’S A PROBLEM”. Some people tend to be more “positive” (this can be problematic too) – “NOTHING’S A PROBLEM”.

   I think, as a Christian, we should work hard towards “solutions” or being part of “solutions”. Attitude is totally key when it comes to relational problems. Humility, understanding, meekness – ALL CHRISTIAN ATTRIBUTES that are sometimes missing in “today’s” Christian.

   Just some food for thought from the leadership “perspective”.

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3. Jason Dulle Says:

   
   April 13, 2006 at 12:39 pm

   John,

   I pretty much agree with your comments. We need to choose what hill we are willing to die on. We can’t be constant complainers, but we shouldn’t be silent either. While we often demonize negativity as something to be avoided, which is worse: being negative about a genuine problem, or ignoring a genuine problem? I think it’s the latter. Granted, we can become too negative and make the problem bigger, but being vocal about a problem is usually necessary if we ever hope to correct the problem.

   I think that’s where this quote comes in. Olson’s point was that you can tell a spiritually healthy churches from spiritually abusive churches by the way they respond to those who point out problems. Healthy churches take it to heart, abusive churches rip out your heart.

   I don’t think that you have to have a solution in order to point out a problem. A manager once told me not to point out a problem unless I had a proposed solution to this problem. My response? “I don’t get paid to find solutions, you do!” It was a friendly conversation, really! The point is that some people are good at recognizing problems while other people are good at finding solutions. Some have the ability to do both, but that is rather rare. Personally, I am gifted at finding problems, but not always the best at finding solutions. People like me are just as essential to the overall health of the church as are the visionaries who tend to see the big picture rather than the cracks that detail-guys like me see. Both are necessary. Someone needs to see the picture, and someone needs to maintain it. God help us both to get along!

   Jason

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4. jaoki Says:

   
   April 14, 2006 at 9:52 am

   Yes. Very true. Problems, whether there is a solution or not should be pointed out. But we shouldn’t absolve ourselves from “working” toward a solution, especially if it involves “you” (not you personally, Jason). It’s like a marriage or a family… We’re in this together. If a spouse simply pointed out every problem in a marriage – things would fall apart very quickly. Yes, employment and job descriptions work nicely in work situations – but I feel like Christians should be in the “Customer Service” department, so “working” toward a solution (if possible) should be in our job description (when possible).

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5. Jason Dulle Says:

   
   April 14, 2006 at 9:58 am

   I agree. I’m not saying we should not try to be part of the solution if we have some ideas on how to solve the problem. I’m just saying we don’t have to have an idea about how to solve the problem before we are entitled to point the problem out. Of course, many times the reason we see the problem is because we think something should be done, or thought about differently. In other words, for many problems the solution goes hand in hand (at least in our minds).

   Jason

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6. Kara Says:

   
   May 20, 2006 at 10:03 pm

   And, may I add, that if you consider your pastor abusive, you will likely carry some sort of residual emotion/anger/apprehension. Don’t be afraid to be fair- consider yourself a part of the solution. By processing this event you won’t have to carry the feelings with you and subsequently project them onto other pastors in your future. (Your future Pastor is likely to repeat some action or behavior which you might see as a precursor to more abuse.)

   Why continually turn on the spit of suspicion and paranoia….. Move on. Move up.

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