Have any of you ever been in the situation where your pastor called on you during his preaching to confirm something he said, but you didn’t agree with his statement?
Given my theological education, every so often I’ve had pastors of mine call on me to affirm something they’ve said. They’ll say something like “Would you agree with that Brother Dulle?” or “Is that right, Brother Dulle?” Luckily, I haven’t been in the place where I could not affirm the statement in some sense, but I’m sure it will happen one day and I don’t know what to say. Saying, “Actually, no” would cause a scene, and make both of us look bad. And yet, I wouldn’t want to appear to agree with something I don’t agree with either.
I’ve contemplated using the line Jesus used with Pilate, “You say so,” but I don’t think that’s going to cut it. Perhaps the best one I’ve come up with is “Perhaps.” That signals that I’m not necessarily on board with the statement, but I’m not declaring it wrong either. Does anyone have a good one-line response that could allow me to wiggle out of the situation tactfully, honestly, and graciously?
Thinking to Believe 
October 27, 2010 at 9:19 pm
Easy answer brother… Just smile, nod and say; “noMAN! He’ll think you said amen and move on.
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October 27, 2010 at 9:20 pm
Or if you don’t like that one, smile nod and say softly possibly…
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October 27, 2010 at 9:36 pm
I would smile and say, “I need to look into that further.” You avoid open discord and leave open the possibility he is right. Afterward, you can meet privately with him and ask him to explain more completely what he meant. If you still disagree, you can state it then.
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October 27, 2010 at 10:13 pm
or be preemptive about it and ask him not to single you out for an amen.
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October 28, 2010 at 11:50 am
Darren = Funny!
Scalia = Good line. But what if I already looked into it, and that’s why I cannot agree?
Jesse = Yes, I could do that.
Jason
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October 28, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Jason,
True, but the possibility remains your pastor has an insight you have yet to consider.
I know it’s difficult when there are certain hot-button issues, but we have to conscious of visitors and the spiritually immature. 🙂
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October 28, 2010 at 4:14 pm
Scalia,
Yes, he might, but in most situations the preacher asks you to affirm a conclusion without giving reasons, or without giving reasons you have not already considered before.
Yes, we do have to be conscious of others. That’s why I have been trying to think of a good response.
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 7:04 am
Jason, don’t be afraid in disagreeing with preachers or pastors. We are to submit one to another not agree on everything one to another. You are accountable to Christ first so never feel pressure to disagree with preachers or pastors. As long as it is done in a respectful way there is nothing wrong with that.
You may want to ask yourself why you are afraid? Is it solely because it is socially uncomfortable or is there a more serious underlying issue at work. I don’t know your situation so I don’t want to over-speculate.
Just remember that you answer to God first, then Man. Sometimes you need to do things that are uncomfortable for Christ.
God Bless, take care Jason.
Naz
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October 29, 2010 at 10:49 am
Naz,
It’s not that. Anybody who knows me knows I am probably not afraid enough to disagree! The issue is the public nature of the disagreement. It is never a good thing for someone in the church–whom the church knows is trained in theology–to publicly disagree with the pastor of the church. The pastor’s office is a different story. Of course, even then I am more of the “pick my battles wisely” sort.
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 10:58 am
Jason,
Despite my first two response with tongue firmly in cheek, this is a serious answer.
The truth is, you’re in a situation where the only response you can give is the affirmative. Unless the subject is soteriological in nature and is out right heresy, you have to consider the possible disruption of the service.
Almost any other subject is not essential enough to be worth disrupting the spirit of the service. If the preacher asks for agreement about rope myth of your other post, how essential is it to disagree if you’re on the other side of the argument. You can always speak after service to clarify both your and his view.
Bottom line is, there are very few topics worth the saying of nay rather than amen to such a question.
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October 29, 2010 at 12:33 pm
Jason, I think it is wise to make your disagreements in private because of what others might perceive if it were made in public. Things can be misconstrued and words taken out of context as you know. That said, what the disagreement is about should be weighed in also. There may be times when a public disagreement is in order, but this is usually in cases where the pastor tries to hijack the church through control and manipulation. I sense this is not the case here, so I think keeping it private and respectful is the Christian thing to do.
Naz
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October 29, 2010 at 1:32 pm
How about, “if the Bible says it I believe it”?
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October 29, 2010 at 2:01 pm
Darren,
I couldn’t do that. In my book, that would be lying. How could I say publicly that I agree with X, when I do not agree with X? What would you think if you were sitting in the congregation and the pastor said, “Jesus will take His church out of here at the start of the tribulation period, isn’t that right Brother Dulle?” and I said “Amen.” But then a few weeks later the topic of eschatology comes up and I reveal that I am post-trib? Would you not think I had lied when I amened the pastor?
I agree that there are few topics that we should make a stink over (especially in public), but when an uninvited question is posed in public, I would either have to answer truthfully or find some good one-liner to get out of confirming or denying it.
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 2:02 pm
Naz,
But the situation I am envisioning is when the public disagreement is uninvited because the question is uninvited. I am not imagining a situation in which a pastor says something I disagree with, and I willingly voice my opposition to what he has said publicly. I don’t think I would do that to my worst enemy!
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Scalia,
That wouldn’t be my favorite, but that could work.
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 3:16 pm
Jason,
Personally I believe the Pre-Trib view but I also don’t think that doctrine essential enough to interrupt the service with my disagreement. The fact is that you don’t KNOW it is Post-Trib anymore than I KNOW it is Pre-Trib. Since there is no certainty on the timing of the Rapture, I find the dogmatic view that one or the other is known with a certainty by the holder of that view to be non Biblical in itself.
Though I rarely teach on this subject (since I don’t find it to be even remotely a priority of Doctrine), when I do teach on the subject I teach all views. I attempt to teach each view as though I believed to be true and allow the hearer to come to their own conclusion. If someone asks me for my personal view I give it.
I got a little more verbose than I intended, but I just feel strongly that there are few topics worth the disruption of service. Having said that, certainly if you feel that strongly on a subject and are asked to affirm it while not agreeing, then I would not say amen. I would probably just smile and look blankly at the preacher and hope he moved on (in an attempt to still not disrupt service). If he pressed me, then there is no other alternative than to quietly and simply say “no”.
I have only had this occur once and I used the smiling neutral face and he nor anyone else missed a lick. He probably thought my smile meant agreement, but I did not feel the issue worth disruption. Now if I were asked to affirm the trinity, salvation via the sinners prayer, or something I hold to be fundamental, then without a doubt I would make it very clear that I disagree.
I guess conclusion of the matter is, it depends on how strongly you hold the view in question.
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October 29, 2010 at 3:17 pm
Jason, I’ve come up with a refinement, given your eschatological example. What about saying, “Perhaps you can help me here. I’m willing to learn.” That way, you avoid public disagreement while politely stating you’re not quite on board with what he is saying. You take a humble posture that it is possible he will be able to help you; and when you confer with him in private, he’ll not likely ask you that again in a public forum if he is unable to persuade you to his way of thinking.
What do you think?
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October 29, 2010 at 3:36 pm
Darren,
The question is not whether or not one can be mistaken in their position, but what to do when the position you hold to (that could be mistaken) is not the same as the position the pastor (who could be mistaken) is asking you to publicly affirm. While we both could be mistaken, that isn’t grounds for me to publicly affirm the view that he could be mistaken about, and that I think he is mistaken about.
For me, the issue is not about how important the topic is, but about truthfulness and integrity. I cannot say “amen” unless I truly agree.
Perhaps the “smile and say nothing” approach is the best one unless I am pressed further.
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 3:38 pm
Scalia,
I don’t know. That sounds like an odd statement since he’s merely looking for a yes or no answer (and really, he’s just looking for a yes answer!). I prefer your “If the Bible says it, I believe it” line. The “I may have to look into that” line will work in some contexts too.
Jason
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October 29, 2010 at 4:28 pm
Jason,
I believe Arthur came up with, “If the Bible says it, I believe it,” but I’m glad you like it anyway. 🙂
As to what your pastor may be looking for, he obviously cannot get a “yes” when you don’t agree with him. We’re looking for a polite way to back out of a swamp. Once he learns via private discussion you don’t agree with him, he will take care not to put you on the spot again.
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October 29, 2010 at 4:48 pm
Jason,
I understand where you’re coming from. I reviewed what I had written previously in my “serious” answer and realized that I made it sound like you should simply say amen and hope he moves on. That’s true in part but I didn’t mean to imply the amen part. I was thinking of my own situation mentioned in the last post. I would simply smile and look neutral if possible. If not, then like the one brother said, “if the Bible says it I believe it”. That does work in honesty because you’re not defining what you or the other believe the Bible says.
By the way, in my personal instance and all the instances that I have seen others put in this position, the preacher didn’t pause long enough for the response to be noticed anyway. The times I have seen this occur, they are just saying it off the cuff, seemingly without thinking or really wanting a reply. Hopefully, should this happen to you, that will be the case.
But if NOT, I take back all my other statements and believe you should immediately stand to your feet, stare imperiously at the preacher and loudly declare in your most indignant tone of voice; “Certainly Not!” or if you prefer the KJV wording, “God Forbid!”
That way if anyone objected later you could point out that your response was Biblical and even Pauline in its content. 🙂
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October 29, 2010 at 7:04 pm
Just ask him to repeat the question. Odds are he’s not likely to do so in that setting; preaching doesn’t lend itself to Q&A. If he does, just shrug and feign dunce-hood.
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October 29, 2010 at 8:03 pm
…or, ask him to rephrase the question in the form of a syllogism;)
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October 30, 2010 at 4:18 am
If this is your pastor, say, “I would humbly defer to your pulpit.” You’ve neither lied nor acquiesced but merely respected. If it is another preacher, say, “Let me do some more homework on that.” Here you’ve neither lied nor acquiesced but, out of respect, feigned ignorance. If the moment lends itself to humor, say, “I plead the fifth” or fitly, “I plead the Blood”
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October 30, 2010 at 7:34 am
Stare blankly ahead and not even acknowledge it. This will be uncomfortable but preachers have the pulpit and can bluff people into agreeing with them when people truly don’t. If you make it a memorable uncomfortable moment the preacher may learn not to pull such tricks. I’ve had to do it before.
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October 30, 2010 at 9:29 am
Once my Pastor looked over his glasses at me and asked of what he had just said was correct. I, of course, am not the guy to asking such things but with an uncomfortable gulp I ticked off Jason’s analogy of the olympic sprinter entered into a sack race. Needless to say, my heart was pounding too loudly in my ears to hear any positive or negative feedback but at least I (being the sack in the race) had a coherent response – thanks to Jason.
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October 30, 2010 at 7:14 pm
Why not pre-empt the situation and speak with whomever it is and reach an agreeable decision on how to handle the matter?
Otherwise, I recommend considering this verse: “I believed, therefore have I spoken”.
What is your obligation to the rest of the congregation, who, if the preacher truly is in error, are going to be led away by the mistake? What can your conscious handle?
Your consent or appearance of consent may have far reaching rammifications. To deny or refute publically, while it may cause a problem for a moment, may not have the same rammications. The spirit of the service should have no bearing on your decision, nor the reactions or problems it may cause. Think about it, if the pastor needs a theological scholar to amen him, he doesn’t know that what he is speaking is true, or is at least somewhat uncertain. If the preacher can’t believe it for sure, then maybe it should be preached? Or if said, at least let it be said as opinion or supposition. But demanding an affirmative should be unnecessary.
Finally, pastors and/or preachers can or should be humble enough to allow for a disagreement without much difficulty. It shouldn’t be considered out of order or disruptive. If someone is going to speak publically, then they must be prepared for public reaction and consequence.
Paul preached in public to people who disagreed with him to his face, even mocked and abused him. In this case, he was right, but what about Peter, who had to be corrected in front of the church when his public behavior was indecent to the Gentile believers? Paul had to stand up and say something or else indirectly or inadvertently lend his approval to what he later called Peter’s “dissimulation”.
Maybe that passage can guide your decision?
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October 30, 2010 at 7:16 pm
Correction:
“…then maybe it should be preached?”
This should read “…then maybe it should NOT be preached?”
Sorry for any confusion.
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October 30, 2010 at 7:17 pm
Correction:
“…affirmative should be unnecessary.”
I keep missing those “NOT”s. Sorry everyone.
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November 4, 2010 at 1:29 pm
Greetings! Brother Dulle
It is written in the holy scriptures by the mouth of Jesus the son of Sirach
“Praise no man before thou hearest him speak for this is the trial of men.” (Ecclesiasticus 26:7)
Therefore, all true disciples of the Lord Jesus whom is the Great God of all ages he will not say “Amen” to nothing but the truth. If a man does not speak the truth then a child of heaven will not say “Amen” it does not matter if he is the only one whom does not say amen but his sole concern is the truth of God. For instance if a muslim imam speaks truth then a child of God will say amen yet if a so-called christian speaks lies then a child of God will not say amen.
I pray God Almighty grnats you understanding in all things.
Peace be unto you!
Marquest Burton
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November 5, 2010 at 3:06 pm
Marquest,
I agree that Sirach is Scripture and cannot rightly be removed from the KJV or any Bible but I don’t agree that your verse says you can’t amen a false statement, just that you shouldn’t praise a man without knowing his beliefs.
Arthur
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November 9, 2010 at 12:57 am
Jason,
Sorry I haven’t been by your blog lately, but maybe I can reach you this way since you shut your cell phone off on me!
To answer the question you posted there are two possible (semi-sarcastic) answers depending on the context of the question from the pastor to you:
(1) It is a low-intensity, classroom-type environment in which “Isn’t that right, Bro. Dulle?” will be met with a lengthy pause while your affirmation is awaited. Just smile and nod while saying, “That’s certainly one possible way to look at it.” (Obviously if it’s open discussion, all bets are off)
(2) It is a typical Pentecostal preaching environment that is going at a fast pace and “Isn’t that right, Bro. Dulle?” is just a minor speed bump to a speeding pastor (maybe even me!). Just smile and say, “Come on, now!” in some acceptable church-speak cadence that won’t sound like you are mocking and will also allow the pastor to rush past the speed bump.
Have the disagreement discussion privately afterward if deemed necessary. This assumes that you are not asked to affirm blatant damnable heresy.
Now your response to my post should be:
“That certainly is one possible way to look at it!”
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November 9, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Max,
Funny as usual. I like these suggestions.
As for my phone, I have no plans to turn it back on. Skype my friend…Skype. That’s the way of the future for me.
Jason
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November 9, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Come on now!
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November 13, 2010 at 12:08 pm
Greetings! Authur
I disagree with your statement against mine that says one should amen a false statement which in and of itself is contrary to holy scripture because God Almighty demands that his people have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of the darkness which means we ought not to say amen or endorse any false statement(s) from a so-called preacher or minister.
Peace be unto you!
Marquest Burton
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November 15, 2010 at 2:06 am
Just shout… “You’re the man!”
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March 17, 2011 at 9:50 am
Do you mean when the audience is saying, “bless him Lord?” ;)-
John Steven Grissom- fort worth texas USA
Stevegtexas@aol.com or myspace.com
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April 1, 2011 at 11:14 am
thank goodness for LOVE.
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April 1, 2011 at 11:14 am
no joke.
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January 11, 2012 at 12:44 pm
Reverend Worlow, you have to tell me the joke that you tell about the punch line where the woman says: “for a cookie!” come one dude, you have to tell it! It reminds me of the Bob larson radio days where that guy was always on the radio ranting and raving with groups like belfagor and the other bands he was promoting! 2012. Have a safe and happy new year! john steven grissom- fort worth texas USA.
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June 2, 2013 at 4:01 pm
I like the – That’s one way to look at it, Depending on the subject perhaps – That’s a popular interpretation would work . However uncomfortable this is doesn’t the example in 1 Cor about judging the interpretations , be also applied to teaching or preaching ? Why should a group of people leave a service without having a main point of the teaching – explained more clearly. It’s all about truth and love, why cannot a teacher be lovingly corrected. I have heard of sermons being preached using the totally wrong definition of a word that was the main point of the lesson . Everyone knew it & yet no one went up to him and handed him a note or said anything. Why didn’t a wife or fellow minister do something? Yes afterwards someone said something, but a whole service wasted. I would rather laugh at my mistake, apologize for not studying enuff, and see if someone else had something to share. We are to be humble right. I think the way we are doing church is why we have some of these problems. If we had a more participatory type service where ? We’re encouraged instead of the lecture method , there would be more give and take in the teaching , feedback should be important to a teacher. Yes preaching is not geared to ? and comments. Perhaps we need more teaching and less , shut up and listen to me preach services. Isn’t the body supposed to judge whether the word spoken was biblical of God? Shouldn’t this be done before the service is dismissed ?
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June 2, 2013 at 4:18 pm
Perhaps we have elevated those whose gifts r in leadership to much . Are we not all equal , r we not brethren , the subject isn’t disciplining elders, it’s just saying I at this time am not in agreement with another’s interpretation . The body should be mature enough not to backslide just because every minister or saint does not think the same way on every subject. Why would it be disruptive ? Why should it be considered indecent or disorderly ? It’s just two people disagreeing on a point. It would be the speakers mistake to assume what someone else believes . We all have learned mistakes the hard way over the years , we all have improved as orators haven’t we?
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