One of the expectations of marriage is sexual fidelity (monogamy). In “Were Christians Right about Gay Marriage All Along?” gay rights advocate, Jay Michaelson, acknowledges that gay relationships (particularly males) are typically not monogamous. So what effect will including gays in the institution of marriage have? Will homosexuals change the concept of marriage so that monogamy is no longer considered essential, or will marriage domesticate homosexuals, leading them in the direction of monogamy? A 2013 survey of same-sex married couples in San Francisco revealed that half of same-sex marriages involve extra-marital partners, and Michaelson thinks the actual number is closer to 75%. So it doesn’t appear that marriage is domesticating homosexuals, and Michaelson thinks the openness to extra-marital sex among same-sex married couples will eventually lead to a reformation of marriage among heterosexuals. Only time will tell, but I find it interesting that Michaelson is willing to admit that kind of marriage practiced by many same-sex couples is not the same kind of relationship envisioned by most heterosexual couples.
HT: Stand to Reason
Thinking to Believe 
June 24, 2014 at 6:44 am
The survey you link to is not a 2013 survey of same-sex marriages but a 2010 survey of male only relationships not defined by marriage.
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June 24, 2014 at 9:38 am
Thanks for the call-out. I just included the link Michaelson included in his article, and repeated his 2013 date. I did not review the study itself, assuming his summary was accurate. My bad for not reviewing it before posting it. I wonder if he simply linked to the wrong study.
Jason
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June 24, 2014 at 10:27 am
I don’t know, but checking it out, it looks like a lot of people have misinterpreted that study so it isn’t uncommon. In general men are more sexually active and women less so, with long term lesbian relationships very monogamous. Because lesbians are somewhat less religious, a very small percentage are theoretically more open to alternative relationships (a 1% diff I think with heterosexual women), but in practice this doesn’t happen. We are really just talking about classic gender differences. Estimates for male infidelity in heterosexual marriage go as high as 60%, so we would expect the numbers with two males to reflect this, and it is no unsurprising that males give each other more slack. For women the reverse is true, with true lesbians (excluding bisexual women) having very low rates of infidelity. But nowhere has same sex marriage been around long enough to have meaningful marriage data.
There are going to be a lot of confounders here, too, such as the higher rate of inter-ethnic marriage in same-sex relationships and the lower levels of conservative religiosity resulting from rejection by those religions. when data does become available (maybe in 5 or ten years) all of these will have to be taken into consideration. You can only compare 30 year old interracial Buddhist lesbians to 30 year old interracial Buddhist heterosexuals and have meaningful results.
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June 24, 2014 at 11:05 am
“but I find it interesting that Michaelson is willing to admit that kind of marriage practiced by many same-sex couples is not the same kind of relationship envisioned by most heterosexual couples.”
I’m willing to admit that the kind of marriage practiced by my wife and I (neither of us are religious) is not the same kind of relationship envisioned by Christian couples.
But so what? Does that change which should be legal or not?
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June 24, 2014 at 6:01 pm
So what effect will including gays in the institution of marriage have?
NONE
Will homosexuals change the concept of marriage so that monogamy is no longer considered essential is a meaningless question
NO.
EVERY RELATIONSHIP MARRIED OR UNMARRIED CONSIDERS MONOGAMY AN ESSENTIAL PART OF THE RELATIONSHIP.
IT IS REFERRED TO IN
Proverbs 6:34 Jealousy is the rage of a man:
A jealous partner can never be satisfied; if suspected betrayal IS NOT proved a spouse’s jealousy will remain unsatisfied STILL in the belief; if betrayal IS proved a spouse’s jealousy will remain unsatisfied STILL in the knowledge.
For jealousy explodes as rage in a cheated partner;
wild for revenge, a victim will not make allowances.
Nothing you say or pay will make it all right;
neither bribes nor reason will satisfy the victim of jealousy
will marriage domesticate homosexuals, leading them in the direction of monogamy?
NO
MARRIAGE DOMESTICATES NO ONE; married monogamous relationships and unmarried monogamous relationships is a distinction without a difference.
Christian couples are no different than any other couple in relationships, they just try to explain it differently.
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June 26, 2014 at 8:44 pm
allowing gay individuals to marry the same sex, is one of the things that is decaying marriage. marriage was always meant, for a man and woman, to come together a then make a family. It was the main strength of society. but because the real family structure (dad, mom, children) is almost completely gone, you can see the fruits from that in our society. just look at the children of this generation. broken and depressed, suicidal, promiscuous, std’s, pregnancy, abortion, and so on. if the family does not go back it it’s proper order, GOD, man, woman, and children, it will continue to decline.
I am so tired of people comparing gays “rights” to that of the black race for our rights. that is an insult to me as a black woman, everytime I hear that. the two are not even in the same class. people really want to compare, a group of kidnapped people, who were raped, abused, slaves, tortured, I mean an unbelievable way that they had to live their lifes, to a group of people who can not have their way of who they think they should be allowed to marry??? nobody has ever stopped gay individuals from marriage, unlike the black race who were stopped from living in freedom. gays, they just have to marry someone of the opposite sex, then they would be married. its no different then a man wanting to marry a tree or his dog. he should be denied from marrying a tree or a dog. but no one is stopping him from marriage. he just has to marry someone of the opposite sex. blacks couldn’t turn white, to change their life. they were born black. black people couldn’t marry white people, because of segregation, because blacks were thought to be less than the white race. not simply because it “goes against marriage”. gay people don’t want to marry the same sex, so they want the law to change, so that it can fit them, so they can marry who they want. they want special rights, not equal rights. they already have equals rights, that are the law for everyone. everyone has to marry the opposite sex. if you don’t then, you don’t get the marriage rights. I don’t have marriage rights, because I am not married. if I never marry, then I never will have those rights. if I do marry, then I will have those rights. the gay union is not equal to a heterosexual marriage. they already know that, that is why they are trying so hard to be “married” because then they think they might feel “equal” and accepted by society. they will never be equal to a heterosexual marriage. never. I, who is not married, will never be equal to a heterosexual marriage. because we are not equal. a gay union is also not equal. I am not equal to a marriage with children. I am not equal to a single mother with two children. that is why they get rights that I don’t. but I’m not protesting and demanding the laws be change because of it. gay people make up less then 10% of the population, so we are going to change what marriage is because of this small population??? sad…truly sad. it just goes to show you how the nation is turning farther and farther away from GOD…..please have mercy on us LORD…
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June 28, 2014 at 4:29 am
The legal institution of monogamous marriage among heterosexuals has not stemmed the tide of extra-marital affairs. They happen all the time.
Normalizing marriage and even legalizing it will not change a homosexual situation in which one or both decide to enjoin themselves to an extra-marital affair.
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June 28, 2014 at 9:35 am
leah james:
I am surprised that you would even say this:
“I am so tired of people comparing gays “rights” to that of the black race for our rights. that is an insult to me as a black woman, everytime I hear that.”
Do you think your human rights are greater or more deserving than the human rights of other humans, that you, (inferred by your comments), also hate???
There are as many or more people who deride Black people as there are who deride Gays.
Blacks are in the same category as Gay people when it comes to other peoples hatred because of there gender or because of their race; as a matter of fact Christians are also in the same category as Blacks and Gays when it comes to countries where Muslims hunt Christians and Gays down like dogs. Are Dogs not then in the same category?
What is disgusting about your statement is that you fail to see that the groups that are hated are not equal because of their Race or Gender, that’s not what makes them equal they are equally hated because of the hatred label against them by others..There is a caste system in India into which the lowlifes would fall along with Blacks and Gays and Christians and there are countries where Women too would fall into the category.
Please be respectful of Gays as you would expect Gays would be to you, Christians, Women and all people downtrodden by the egos and superiority of self righteousness by those who hate one group or another or all of them.
Hatred doesn’t prove anyone smart, hatred just exposes their ignorance.
And while I’m at it: saying that “marriage was always meant, for a man and woman, to come together a then make a family. It was the main strength of society.” You are not speaking from knowledge, that’s only something you read from a book written by others who were equally ignorant since no one actually lived in the beginning so what you assume is not necessarily true, it just fits your belief paradigm.
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June 28, 2014 at 9:38 am
votivesoul:
I completely agree with your # (7) comment.
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June 30, 2014 at 7:11 pm
In the absence of commentary on the Supreme Courts decision regarding the religious rights infringement brought against the Obama Administration, I would like to submit that this ruling in favour of the Hobby Lobby Lawsuit shows just how irrelevant the Supreme Court has become.: a mere policy pawn of political partisanship.
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July 1, 2014 at 7:12 am
@SonofMan – In response to Leah’s somewhat rant (although agree most of it), the comparison is false. One is based on outward opinion completely based on one’s ethnic origin regardless of cultural variations. Rights of homosexuals is based on activity (what they do). We currently do not allow polygamy or other variations.
Also, regarding marriage, A black partner with white partner can do everything a white/white, black/black can do. A Same-Sex marriage cannot since they cannot (as a rule) procreate.
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July 13, 2014 at 8:51 am
scottspeig:
You say that “Rights of homosexuals is based on activity (what they do).” But how can that be true when rights of homosexuals are as original as ethnicity and it is a fallacy that does not view it as a genetic formation and equally a human rights issue however ethnically insensitive the rest of “civilized” society is, that would treat it merely as a cultural lifestyle. As much as one might say the design of a woman is naturally heterosexual and naturally stimulating to the heterosexual male, cultural bias demonize her nevertheless by forcing her to wear the Burlap Burka and the denial of her other human rights like getting an education, driving a car, voting ( it wasn’t that long ago when women were not allowed to vote in our society or go into bars unescorted by a male.
You can call it a cultural activity and deny “ethnic human rights” but they were born that way just like you were born “that” way, whatever the way your hand was dealt. Brain gender is not a cultural activity anymore than black, brown or white. I grew up eating french fries and not rice; that is a cultural activity.
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August 30, 2014 at 9:21 am
I’d like to know what the percentage of heterosexual marriages are non-monogamous? I’m guessing, I don’t know, 20 percent? Maybe 25 percent? Either way, reality tells us heterosexual marriages are not 100 percent exclusive. And assuming that reality, then what is the acceptable percentage before we start decrying something as ruining the institution of marriage? It’s all silly.
You’ve always been informative and well thought out, but for some reason, gay marriage (IMHO) is a real blind-spot for you. I’ve read your posts on numerous topics related to gay marriage, and typically, when they’ve been boiled down, don’t amount to much more than “marriage has always been between a man and woman and that’s the way it should be….people marry to produce offspring…” I mention it’s a blind-spot for you because you’re generally very careful to measure your words, points and arguments, so as to not miss anything. It just surprises me you don’t see the obvious shortcomings of the anti-gay marriage (I don’t mean that pejoratively) arguments.
I don’t support gay marriage personally, but I also believe that arguments (outside of personal religious convictions) against gay marriage don’t have legs to stand on in a secular society. They may appeal to a Christian audience, but don’t (and can’t) stand up in a court of law as we’ve been seeing.
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August 30, 2014 at 12:26 pm
Phillip:
Data on straight monogamy are all over the map. One report suggests 70 percent of married men cheat. (OK, that was a Fox News report, but shouldn’t that skew toward idealizing heterosexuality?) A nationally representative survey of 884 men put the number at only 23 percent. A much bigger but unrepresentative MSNBC survey found that nearly half of adults cheat—exactly the same percentage as the San Francisco study found with gay men. Other reports have found the same—that 50 percent of married men cheat—and one also found that the vast majority will not admit to it, perhaps even on surveys.
source: http://dish.andrewsullivan.com/2013/07/02/monogamy-gay-men-lesbians-and-straights/
Additionally the cycle of life occurs despite anyone’s belief or non belief. If one can forget the obsession of beginnings and ends that so often leads the brain by the nose in religious circles by imaginings of the rambling mind from before stoneagism, before they invented the wheel and re-invented the world according to imagination; this civilization would be a heck of a lot better in its treatment of the sanctity of life but it’s just on CR-ISIS after another. The world is on the threshold of World War III on several fronts and religon can do nothing about it, prayer can do nothing about it and belief can do nothing about it. What IS, IS and that is the dilemma of humanity: understand that the Cosmos IS and the circle IS and the CYCLE IS regardless of anybody’s belief system. Do you want the concept of heaven on earth? Be the concept you dream by living for the cause and not dying for the cause.
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September 9, 2014 at 8:36 am
Two women in their 90s marry in Iowa, seven decades after meeting:
(Reuters) – 14 hours ago
Two Iowa women in their 90s celebrated seven decades they have spent together as a couple by getting married over the weekend in a small ceremony.
Vivian Boyack, 91, and “Nonie” Dubes, 90, exchanged vows at the First Christian Church in Davenport on Saturday. The couple then enjoyed a reception dinner with close friends and relatives, many of whom had been prodding them to marry since gay marriage became legal in Iowa in 2009.
“I felt like I was in a dream and that I would wake up and it was not going to be true,” Boyack said. “We do hope we have a few more years, but if we don’t it’s a real closing for us.”
The couple, who do not plan a honeymoon, have been inundated with phone calls and flowers from well-wishers, she said.
“It’s been crazy … we didn’t realize people cared that much about us,” Boyack said.
The women have together visited every state in the United States except Alaska since they met 71 years ago.
They have also been dealt their share of “heartache and illness,” Boyack said. “But love is a very strong thing.”
source:
http://news.yahoo.com/two-women-90s-marry-iowa-seven-decades-meeting-012549148.html
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September 9, 2014 at 8:42 pm
Can any Chritian listen to this melody and not moved with compassion for your fellow man?
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March 10, 2016 at 1:52 am
[…] Same-sex marriage will likely redefine our concept of marriage […]
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