All of us like compliments, but why? I think a large part of the reason is that they serve to either validate our own healthy sense of self-perception or, if we have an unhealthy self-perception, they serve to bring hope that we just might be better than we perceive ourselves to be. Compliments serve as confirmation that we are, indeed, valuable. Receiving compliments is necessary to a healthy development of one’s self-perception. A failure to receive compliments can cause someone to doubt their own value, and may lead to them doing abnormal things to solicit compliments so they can be reassured of their own value.
Of course, there is always the temptation to pride when one receives compliments. That’s where a health Christian theology comes in handy. We recognize that everything we are, and everything we do, is because of God’s grace. He is to be thanked for everything we are/do, and thus we redound the praise to the glory of God.
Thinking to Believe 
May 12, 2016 at 9:14 am
Jason,
8 years ago I wrote the following in an email to you :
I am a 75-year old, intellectually lazy – therefore relatively ignorant man, but I have discovered your articles, and have read quite a number of them, and just wanted to let you know that you are doing a great work through your critical thinking and writing. I have never studied philosophy, but in reading and attempting to follow your systematic thought processes as you address many of the issues of life, it has had the effect of stirring me out of my intellectual stupor, and to my amazement, I find that I am understanding and learning from your writings things that I always assumed were “over my head”. I wish I had encountered someone with your passion for thinking much earlier in my life; but, be that as it may, now I want to do further reading and study and improve my critical thinking abilities.
And you responded by saying:
“That is one of the greatest compliments ever paid me. My greatest passion in life is to know and teach the truth, and second to it is to stir up others to do the same. Not only am I glad to hear you have been stirred to further develop your mind as a result of my writings, but that I was able to communicate them in an understandable and accessible way. Thank you.”
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May 12, 2016 at 11:28 am
Jason:
When I finished reading your article I thought you had made a typo and that the word which resulted from the typo was “redound” instead of “rebound”, however, I did not accept that my first thought the “belief” was correct either, so I looked for the term “redound” and lo and behold, that term is indeed correctly used, So thank you for that.
There is another point I think is noteworthy: while I acknowledge my search was initiated by “belief”, it was not belief that set me free; it was the knowledge obtained; and with that knowledge, the initial belief that led this seeker to the search (which belief was wrong in the first place) was replaced by knowledge and that knowledge set me free in order to pay a compliment to you.
And just to briefly touch on the pride aspect you mentioned, that compliments may tempt one’s pride by is seeking them often for the accolades, “the approval of others” because it does seem to validate and contribute to our self esteem. I know you said a “healthy Christian theology” comes in handy to counter that but I would like to augment your credit to Christian Theology by crediting Jesus from Lk 6:26 “There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them. Popularity contests are not truth contests—look how many scoundrel preachers were approved by your ancestors! Your task is to be true, not popular. MSG……….
John 12:43 “……..for they loved the approval of men rather than the approval of God.(NASB)
Matthew, Luke and Mark 4:18-19: “Still others are like the seeds sown among the thorns. They hear the word, but the cares of this life…………………….and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful. Yet others are like the seeds sown on good soil. They hear the word, receive it, and produce a crop—thirtyfold, sixtyfold, or a hundredfold.”…
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May 13, 2016 at 3:25 pm
If parents compliment their children properly this can go a long way in eliminating the pride component. My parents not only complimented us correctly but criticized constructively. I like compliments but I relish proper criticism, it has been the best tool to clarify my position and sharpen my arguments.
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May 15, 2016 at 7:53 am
HUMAN TO HUMAN OMPLIMENTS AND PRAISE TEND TO ACTIVATE THE PRIDE IN THE PERSON. EXHALTATION IS A PRODUCT OF COMPLIMENTS. SELFESTEEM IS ENCHANCED AS WELL AS MOTIVATION TO EARN MORE COMPLIMENTS.
COMPLIMENTS CAN BE USED TO BLIND A PERSON’S ILL INTENT SINCE HUMANS RESPOND IN A POSITIVE MANNER FOR THE MOST PART, WHEN IT COMES DOWN TO HEARING GOOD THINGS ABOUT THEM.
COMPLIMENTS CAN ALSO BE USED TO PROMOTE HIDDEN AGENDAS AND MANIPULATE A PERSON’S CONDUCT AND BEHAVIIOR.
THUS COMPLIMENTS CAN BE USED AND ABUSED IN MANY WAYS.
THE GREATEST COMPLIMENT OF ALL COMES TO US FROM GOD THROUGH CHRIST IN THE FORM OF BLESSINGS: DO THE RIGHT THING, THE RIGHT WAY, AND GOD WILL PRAISE YOU WITH BLESSING!
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May 15, 2016 at 8:24 am
Here are expressions of similarity to your comment:
Proverbs 21:14
A quietly given gift soothes an irritable person;
a heartfelt present cools a hot temper.
Thus a compliment can be seen as a gift, a present.
Also:
Prov: 16:24 – Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.
12:25 – Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs it down, But a good word makes it glad.
15:34: – The Lord sees everything, whether good or bad.
Kind words are good medicine,
Too often we underestimate the power of an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, which have the potential to turn a life around. Leo Buscaglia
Wise sayings often fall on barren ground, but a kind word is never thrown away. Arthur Helps
Many a friendship, long, loyal, and self-sacrificing, rested at first on no thicker a foundation than a kind word. Frederick William Faber
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